Curvature — the ladder
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No map is faithful
Not "no map yet", and not "no map at page size". Gaussian curvature can be computed from inside a surface, a sphere has some and a plane has none, and that closes the question permanently.
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What can be unrolled
A cylinder is obviously curved and is intrinsically flat, so it lays out on a table with nothing stretched. A sphere is not. The distinction is exactly zero Gaussian curvature, and it is why paper tubes exist and paper globes do not.
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The trade-off is two lines
Conformal means the two principal scales are equal. Equal-area means their product is one. Both at once forces both to one, which is an isometry, which the curvature forbids. That is the entire argument.
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Total curvature and the scale rule
The impossibility has a size. A region covering a fraction of the sphere carries a fixed amount of curvature that any flat map must absorb, and for a circular region the least distortion any conformal projection can achieve is a closed form nobody can beat.
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Measuring curvature from inside
A flatlander with a ruler can find out that its world is round, by drawing a triangle and adding the angles. Gauss–Bonnet turns that into an exact statement, and the total curvature of a closed surface turns out to be a number obtained by counting.
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How small is flat enough
A builder works in plane coordinates and a national mapping agency does not, and the line between them is not a convention. The unavoidable error of treating a patch of the Earth as flat grows as the square of its size, and the size at any stated tolerance is a number.
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The curvature of the Earth is not one number
An ellipsoid's Gaussian curvature varies by 1.35% from equator to pole, so the sphere is not developable onto the ellipsoid any more than the plane is onto the sphere. The spherical approximation is a projection with an irreducible cost, and the cost is 6,739 parts per million.
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A direction carried round a loop
Carry a bearing round a circuit, keeping it as parallel to itself as the surface allows, and it comes back turned. Round a parallel at 45° the turn is 4.443 radians and the cap enclosed is 1.840, and they sum to exactly one revolution — so the turning is not the curvature, and on a cone it is all of one and none of the other.
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Curvature that varies from place to place
The impossibility this site is built on was argued on a sphere, where the curvature is one number. On the Earth it varies by 1.35 per cent, on Jupiter by 31, on Vesta by a factor of 2.7 — and on a body with three axes it varies along a parallel, which no formula in latitude can express.
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Two surfaces with the same curvature
The ladder's base says curvature is the obstruction to a faithful map. It has never asked whether curvature is the whole obstruction — and it is, locally: there is a whole family of surfaces with the unit sphere's curvature at every point, none of them a sphere, and a geodesic circle drawn on one agrees with the same circle on another to one part in 10¹⁴.
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Impossible in two derivatives, possible in one
The impossibility this whole collection rests on computes a second derivative, so it is a statement about maps that have two. Take one away and it is false: a corrugation restores an exact length while converging to the map that does not, and iterating it gives a flattening whose derivative converges and whose curvature runs to half a million.
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The places where a map is exactly right
Nine essays on this ladder say a map cannot be right everywhere. None asks where it IS right — and the answer is a curve, a pair of curves, or two isolated places, never a patch. Measured across fourteen projections the set's neighbourhood shrinks with an exponent of 0.48, 1.0 or 2.0, and the value the impossibility forbids is 0.
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Where the surface curves the other way
Twelve rungs argue the impossibility on surfaces whose curvature is positive everywhere. The surface a map of the ground actually depicts is not one of them: a stated terrain is saddle-shaped over 79 per cent of its curved area, its curvature runs to twenty-two thousand times the Earth's own, and even a single smooth hill is concave over 89 per cent of itself.
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How big a triangle it takes
Gauss proved that a surface-dweller can read the curvature off a triangle's angles. Doing it is another matter: a fifty-kilometre triangle has 5.49 seconds of excess, a one-second theodolite gives that excess a standard deviation of 1.73, and reading K to one per cent needs a side of 281 kilometres. Not one of the great surveys built a triangle within a factor of three of that.
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How many triangles it takes
Rung eleven priced one triangle and recorded that a survey observes hundreds. Averaging n of them divides the noise by √n, and n is not free: a chain of fixed length holds fewer big triangles than small ones, so the accuracy improves as the side to the power three halves rather than two. Struve's 141 triangles of forty kilometres are worth exactly Gauss's seven of eighty-five.